Who Are You Waiting For?



Rolling Stones, 6.23.15, photo by K. Newcomb

I'm going to punch through this the best I can.

 

Since my last post I have been fortunate enough to feed my soul through live concerts (Tedeschi Trucks Band, Rolling Stones, and Melissa Etheridge), art galleries (Milwaukee Art Museum), exhibits (Discovery World, Milwaukee) and baseball games (pro & pee wee). Confession: I love arts and entertainment. Sure, I have my favorites, but I truly enjoy the whole act of going to a show, exhibition, or a game. 


Melissa Etheridge, 6.29.15, photo by K. Newcomb   

The anticipation.
Entering the theatre, gallery, or stadium.
Scanning the catwalks/ceilings for lights.
Finding the sound board.
Reading text.
People watching.
Strolling.
Practicing my approach/avoidance techniques
by getting up close, then walking away from art pieces.
Lingering in front of my favorite pieces in the
hopes I can breathe them in. (I could spend hours, days, weeks, months, years at the Met.)


I should probably admit that I am an arts-addict; taught at an early age the importance of the arts, I now actively need to feed my fix on a regular basis otherwise I get depressed. Seriously. I do. My parents made sure my younger sister and I had a full dose of art museums, history museums, theatres, concerts, sports, and corresponding lessons to grow our imaginative minds. I thought all kids grew up this way, but now know how lucky I was. Now it's my turn to pay it forward and teach the same values to my kiddos.
 


Milwaukee Art Museum, 6.23.15,

Photo by K. Newcomb

Jumping at the chance to enlighten my boys, we went to the Milwaukee Art Museum's exhibit: Van Gogh to Pollock: Modern Rebels. Keeping in mind my boys are seven and five years-old, this could be a tricky endeavor. Boys at this age love to explore their minds through active engagement. This means figuring out ways to touch everything they aren't supposed to and making it their own. So when the docent gave both my boys a family activity book and a pencil to take into the exhibit, I thought, "Don't they know what happens when they give boys writing utensils?" 

 

So yes...there were some Obi-wan Kenobi and Darth Vader reenactments from episode IV (my boys are on a super big Star Wars kick at the moment). But as soon as we entered the exhibit, my five year-old looked at the Van Gogh and said, "Cool! Maybe I can draw that, too!" and got into his mad-serious art mode and began putting that pencil and activity book to work (you can't bother him with conversation when he is concentrating on creating; he's in another world). And my seven year-old loved telling me what he saw when we would look at Jackson Pollock's work up close, then far away. This. This is why I take chances to buck the norm and bring my very active boys to experience art. Sure. I could keep my boys at home. It certainly would be easier. But then my boys and I wouldn't have the joy of the arts experience; individually or together. So when I find myself in a quandary over what is easier verses what I would really like, I have started to ask myself one simple question:

"Who are you waiting for?"

This is a question that oozes permission. And these days I'm going to be honest....I fucking hate permission-mentality.



Jellyfish. Discovery World, 6.26.15, photo by K. Newcomb

I hate it because it's passive, limiting. It gives control over the things you really want to someone else. And by God, life is too short to keep asking others for what you want. If you want something, go out and get it; go out and make it happen; go out on a limb and make yourself vulnerable; go out and work your butt off; go out and take those chances that lead you towards what you want; go out and take your boys to some culture, damnit, because...

Who are you waiting for?


That person to tell you, "You can't!"? That you're not good enough? That you're not smart enough? That you're not attractive enough? That you don't have what it takes to succeed? That you are a terrible parent? That you're selfish to want what you want and do what you do? That you're a fool? That you're not quite "it"? That you're not worth it?

Here's a little hint of what to say to those people, from me to you. It's free to use any and every time you start to feel yourself bogged down with those naysaying, self-doubting people and questions. And it's liberating...I promise! Ready? Here you go:

1. Think of the last thing that made you giggle; think along the lines of an inside joke.
2. Get your best, smirky-like grin on your face.
3. Inhale as much as you can.
4. Say, out loud, "Fuck you!"
5. And...exhale (with a huge relief smile on your face).

Seriously. Try it. Right now. Here, I'll do it with you:

1. Okay, there was that one time I pretended to be...
2. Oh, yeah, ah-ha, that was a good one...
3. Breathe...
4. "Fuck you!"
5. Ah.....whew.....

Didn't that feel great?!
Yeah, I thought so.

By now you may be asking, "Why the hell is she asking herself who she is waiting for, if all she does is tell people to fuck off?" You should know that I don't always say it out loud. Sometimes I do steps 1-3, skip 4, and go right to 5. In some cases it's better to keep 4 to yourself because some folks won't get the nuances of it. And some just aren't worth it. But other times, I decide to change the verbiage of number 4 to fit the situation better. This works just as well. My answer as to why I do these steps is because it fires me up. Because when I stop and ask myself this question, I start caring less about what others think and move towards what I want and need. It calls me into action rather than waiting for the stamp of approval from others or waiting for perfection.

So many of us have self-doubts from time-to-time because our society is so ready to sell the idea of what perfect looks like. And if you aren't living within those perfect lines, you're somehow wrong; undesirable; unwanted; unworthy. Fuck. This. Thinking. Because who the hell is perfect? Is perfect what you're striving for? Be honest. Do you really want to be perfect? I have news for you...

Perfect is boring.
Yes. Perfect is boring. And also careless. What? Hear me out...

Perfect is predictable. Complacent. Perfect gets up in the morning and knows exactly what is waiting for them and how to handle it. How utterly dull. Think about it. If you knew every moment of every day that everything was going to perfect, how would you ever enjoy anything? Where's the thrill or excitement? Since everything is perfect, nothing can be new. But here's the thing...there is no perfect without chaos. Stay with me here and think about it. There is no good without bad. There is no right without wrong. There is no sweet without sour. There is no strong without weak. To know one is to know the other. Without that knowledge, how could you compare anything? So to know what perfection is, you must also know what chaos is. While perfection might be what the world wants to strive for (and sell to you), it's only because it understands what chaos is and is spending all its energy on avoiding chaos...does perfect still sound perfect?

Here's my two cents:

Why not incorporate time for new, and even mistakes in your plans, rather than perfection? Why not leave some wiggle room for the unexpected? Think of it as a perpetual "get out of jail free card" mentality, or finding that long-forgotten $20 in your coat pocket from last season, or never-ending hope for a cancer cure. Making room for the new, surprises, and mistakes is a bonus filled with mystery, with unknowns. Some good, and yes, some bad, but that's the natural balance...and that beats perfection. Every. Stinkin'. Time.

I know I teased about a new name for my Sunday Boyfriends in my last post, but I'm still working on just the right term. If you have any suggestions, and are willing to share your ideas, please throw them my way.

And as promised, here is the Punching Through The Noise Soundtrack for this week, 7.1.15, on Spotify. Listening is free, but you will need an account if you don't have one already. Here is a list of the songs:

Midnight In Harlem, Tedeschi Trucks Band
Waiting On A Friend, The Rolling Stones
Ain't It Heavy, Melissa Etheridge
Catch & Release, Matt Simons
Try, Colbie Caillat
Mother's Talk, Tears For Fears

Here's to the arts, celebrating imperfections, and balance. As always, punch through the noise in your world the best you can and make time to enjoy your own soundtracks.