Dear Universe

Photo by Katie Newcomb                                          

Dear Universe,                                                                                                                  

About ten days ago, I stood outside my car door, smiled to the sky, and said, “I’m ready for the good stuff to flood my life. I’m in a good place to receive it and honor it.” And I meant it.

But what I didn’t realize is I probably needed to be more specific about what I wanted, needed, and was ready for. Because what did you do, Universe? Well, you know what you did. You sent a TON of heavy duty stuff my way. And you sent it quickly.

This wasn’t what I was expecting, Universe. I’m believing you have a good reason for it, but right now, this doesn’t feel like good stuff flooding my life. It feels like I’m being pushed backwards.

Okay, okay…I can definitely see where I fell into old patterns with this one, Universe. Seriously, I can. But this time I truly thought I was taking ownership of my needs. Taking charge. Fully aware of what I was getting into and where I wanted to go. Because you know as well as I do what I needed and still need.

But in your wise, twisted way, you made sure to tell me I was just doing the same old thing, didn’t you, Universe? The same old thing of trying to fill my sense of worth and happiness with someone other than myself. You knew how much I would hate discovering that, too, didn’t you? That’s why you sent the answer the way you did.

Ah, funny, wise Universe. You like to get right to the point, don’t you?

But did you have to send the message in such a crummy, crummy package? Seriously…did you? You know all the heaviness I’ve dealt with and worked on for the last year. You know how far I’ve come. But I suppose if I take a good look in the mirror, I know why. Karma and all…

I’d like to think there was a reason I was in this scenario, again. One that was more than just a lesson for me to learn. Maybe others? Is that your plan, Universe? This thought only leads me to think there are more crummy answers for people to experience. Man, that’s tough to take, because I know I am a part of that crumminess.

But if I make my bed, I better be prepared to lie in it…right, Universe?

So that’s what I’m going to do, Universe. I will continue to move forward. Move my best through the feelings of going backward, of worthlessness, of emptiness, of hurt, of disappointment and confusion, and go forward. You made it clear backward isn’t an option; standing still isn’t an option. Only forward.

Despite this crossroad of messages, lessons, and crumminess you’ve sent to me to process, my goals of living a life with more joy, creativity, and purpose are still strong. I will rely on that foundation I created to propel me to the good stuff I know you have waiting for me, Universe. I can feel it.

I’ll do my best to be more specific and clear when we chat in the future, as well as truly listen to what you are sending my way. I only ask if you could please try to go easy on your delivery, Universe? I know you think I’m strong (thank you for that, BTW), but I’m seriously in a teeter-totter place of self-worth at the moment and need more gentleness. I’ll trust you if you trust I have limits. Okay?

So glad we could come to this understanding, Universe. Keep on sending the messages I need to hear. I’ll punch through the noise as best I can in order to listen and make the changes I need to make in order to move forward.

Here is a list of the songs for this week's Punching Through The Noise soundtrack on Spotify. As a reminder, listening is free, but you will need to create an account on Spotify to listen.

Barracuda, Heart

Numb, Linkin Park

King of Pain, Police
Kyrie, Mr. Mister
Underneath, Alanis Morrisette
Taking It All Too Hard, Genesis